Is it ever safe to love someone?
I would argue, no. It is never safe.
And so what?
Most of us have the exact same first love.
Our moms. While there are mothers who aren’t loving, nurturing or present, most of us felt loved, protected, and accepted just as we were by our moms. Some are blessed enough to still enjoy that relationship with a living mother.
Some aren’t. My mother was amazing. But she also was diagnosed with breast cancer with I was 5-6. It was during the Dark Ages, as far as breast cancer treatment was concerned, and she died on the eve of my tenth birthday. My dad was clueless, self-centered, and kicked me out of the house when I was 14.
Abandonment Issues, Much?
Losing people we love hurts. Losing the love of our families, our tribe, our lovers, can threaten our very survival. And yet, we need love, just as much as we need air, food and water.
We can’t avoid all risk by closing up tight. Because that, too, is a risk.
Is it possible that people will stop loving us, or simply get bored, like my father did? Yep. How many lovers have abandoned me, because…? I haven’t kept track, but it’s been more than one or two.
Even if we love people who are 100% trustworthy, there is no guarantee they are going to be around, because people die. My amazing mother died. My brilliant, incredible friend Sid Patrick died. Other beloved friends and loved ones have died, or, somehow fallen out of touch. And a year ago, my brother-in-love, Jim.
Their losses will never stop reverberating in my life. And yet…
Take My Exes… Please!
And then there’s the men who broke my heart. Some carelessly, some because they were douchecanoes. Some because we were perfect for each other, only not at this time in our lives.
There were times in my life where I felt so wounded by romantic love and betrayal I felt like my heart was literally breaking. When I curled up on the floor in a fetal position and sobbed helplessly.
The good thing about repeated heartbreak, is you learn you can survive it. Even though you would never raise your hand and say, “Yes, me! I want to have my heart broken countless times.” And in all honesty… sometimes I have been the one to break a lover’s heart, or to end a friendship for what seemed to me to be excellent reasons.
Somebody smart said that, in order to have a happily ever ever, you have to end the story at the right spot. And he (or she) was right – it is a minuscule number of people who get to spend their entire lives together, who fall into comas and die within hours of each other. The rest of us get to watch somebody we love die, sometimes in nightmarish ways, or to be suddenly snatched from us. Or, we are the ones leaving them behind.
I Still Believe In Love
I couldn’t write romance, if I didn’t believe in love. Call me a sentimental fool, but I believe in love. I believe in holding hands, and sweet tender kisses, I believe in whispered girlfriend confidences and shared laughter over the ridiculous. I believe in the warm soft fur of a beloved pet against my leg, under my hand. I believe in blowing bubbles against a baby’s yummy neck, even though that giggling baby is destined to morph into a scowling, independent teenager.
I believe in special romantic moments between people who enjoy each others’ company, in bed or out. I have tried, at various points in my life, to fence in my feelings for lovers: “This relationship has long-term potential, this relationship is close to but is not quite love, this relationship is strictly FWB…” and I have found, like dandelion fluff, my feelings have no intentions of staying neatly fenced off. They go where they want to go, when they want to go.
Love is not safe. Love is not permanent, love is not static. Love itself may last forever, but relationships will morph and change, and sometimes, die. Love guarantees to hurt us, eventually.
I still choose love. I believe that fear of losing love, in some nebulous someday, is not a good reason to deny it or pass it by, today. Just gonna have to make a wish and blow. (And if I do, maybe all my wishes will come true!)
My Tarot reading today:
Among other things, the reading for this card says, “If you are acting out of love, you are on the right path,” and “Celebrate the love you have in all its forms: passion, friendship, caring, spiritual devotion, and self-love.”
I am so grateful for all the love I have, all the friends and family and coworkers and kitten love that I have received today, that I receive, every single day. I want to walk the path of love, even though sometimes I may trip and faceplant.