I am so pleased to be hosting sexpert Walker Thornton on my blog this month, and to have given away a copy of one of my favorite books, Inviting Desire. While aimed at older women, it’s really applicable to women of any age who’ve lost their spark, perhaps after childbirth, perhaps after getting into a rut with a longtime partner, perhaps after a toxic relationship. *raises hand*
And she was kind enough to agree to a mini-interview, because Walker is awesome that way.
1) For some women, our desire has not simply died, it’s a memory that’s long buried, with the grass grown over it and a nice headstone. Why shouldn’t it simply remain there, and we can bring it fresh flowers from time to time? Especially for women who are not currently partnered, what good does it do, to reawaken our desire?
I think feeling desire is great fun…Don’t you? And, from a sexual health perspective, sexual desire—leading to some form of sexual activity is important in keeping vaginas and pelvic floor muscles toned and healthy. Vaginal stimulation leads to arousal, which brings blood flow to vaginal tissue, which in turn helps cells stay healthy, which can prevent, or lessen, thinning and tearing of vaginal tissue. But, really—why would we want to give up the pleasure that comes from sexual stimulation? Sexual activity stimulates oxytocin, the ‘feel good’ hormone and it’s associated with pain reduction as well. So I think it’s a good thing. Besides, who says we need a partner to get sexual?
2) Chapter 13 is titled, “What Is An Orgasm?” Doesn’t everyone already know this? [Side Note: 13 has always been my lucky number.]
Yes, I think everyone knows what an orgasm is…Not all women have orgasms and therefore don’t really understand more than the basics. So I went a bit farther, talking about pleasure and the pressure women are under to become orgasmic. I want women to suspend judgment and focus on pleasure.
3) Chapter 25 is titled, “It’s Not About the Orgasm.” Wait, what? Do we want orgasms, or not want orgasms?
I think too often women feel as if the orgasm is the ONLY product of sex—so they fake it or feel bad when it doesn’t happen. There is so much pleasure in connecting sexually with a partner that can get overlooked if we’re obsessing about our orgasms. I want to offer an alternative to the constant barrage of advice on orgasms—how many, which kind, did you squirt, etc…. Pleasure is much more than just having an orgasm. The goal of this chapter is to encourage women to explore pleasure for its own sake.
4) In the months since this book has been released, what response or question has surprised you the most?
Well, aside from my mother questioning my sexual activity; she assumes I’m not having sex so therefore I’m not qualified to talk about it!
More than a few women have indicated that their husbands would be excited about the book—I didn’t write the book as a guide for how to have better sex and I didn’t write it for partners. We already have enough pressure to be the good partner. I want women to learn to embrace their own sexuality for themselves. I do think that everyone around us benefits when we tap into our own sexuality and learn to ask for what we want.
Walker Thornton is an educator, public speaker and the author of Inviting Desire, A Guide for Women Who Want to Enhance Their Sex Life. She is a strong advocate for women’s sexuality, encouraging women to ‘step into their desire.’ Walker is the Sexual Health columnist for Midlife Boulevard and writes about sex and the older adult for Kinkly.com and other sites.
Connect with Walker:
Website: www.walkerthornton.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WalkerJThornton/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/WalkerThornton
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