Anger? I am Incandescent with Rage – Why Aren’t You?

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you’ve been exposed to a couple of things in recent weeks:

1) The discussions and hearings about confirming a Supreme Court nominee accused of sexual assault and drunkenness have been hugely triggering to vast numbers of women (and men, and nonbinary people).

2) More women, men, and nonbinary people than you ever imagined have been on the receiving end of sexual assault – and it didn’t have to be “legitimate rape” to be extremely traumatizing. Many of them are coming out with their #MeToo stories. Others are still not in a place where they can safely speak about them.

CW: This post will contain frank talk, language, and pictures – please practice self-care and step away if it’s too much for you right now.

I’ve written about some of my experiences here (date rape), here (stranger rape), and here (rape myths and stigma). Feel free to read ’em, or, NOT, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed by the many stories of assault going around the interwebs right now.

I have been trying to read all the stories and support all the survivors, and I know I am missing too many. I am saddened, furious, heartbroken, despairing, depressed…

Because it seems like we’ve made barely ANY progress in the last 50 years or so.

So into this environment sail the #NotAllMen crew, who are trying to tone police those of us speaking up. We are too loud, we are too strident. We should protest, but gently, softly. (Not unironically, very much like the sweet, girlish voice of Dr. Blasey Ford, whom they politely pretended to listen to, before ignoring.)

No thanks, I’d rather rage. Even if that’s not ladylike.

Poem by Dylan Thomas, art by Karen Girard

Because, see, THIS, below, is our life.

Jackson Katz, a prominent social researcher, demonstrates the difference between men and women in rape culture, here:

“I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other.
Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they’ve been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, ‘I stay out of prison.’ This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, ‘Nothing. I don’t think about it.’

― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help

Rape and sexual assault isn’t pretty. It is ugly and painful and sometimes, literally bloody.

Original artwork by Anne Hager; used by permission

We know that #NotAllMen are rapists. HOWEVER, #TooManyMen are willing to accept all the privilege that goes along with being in the top position in a patriarchal society. #TooManyMen demand that we, women, personally educate them as to WHY we don’t like rape culture and being second-class citizens, instead of doing the work themselves. #TooManyMen tell a brave woman like Dr. Christine Blasey Ford that they believe her story of sexual assault, but it was such a long time ago, and maybe she was mistaken, and anyway, so what? We’re gonna put him on the Supreme Court anyway.

There are some absolutely wonderful men I am blessed to have in my life, that I treasure and appreciate. However, in Western society, they are outnumbered by the rapists and rape apologists.

That’s why this is the intention I sent out into the Universe.

Join me?

2 Replies to “Anger? I am Incandescent with Rage – Why Aren’t You?”

  1. Thanks for this. We need to change the conversation and thus the overall attitudes of men and women. Your words are so damn important!!!

  2. I think it’s even worse when women make excuses for men’s bad behavior. They are more worried about sullying the man’s reputation than about the actual victims. It may have happened decades ago when he was young and stupid but he doesn’t acknowledge it could have happened when he was too drunk to remember and instead his anger and lies are celebrated.

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