Have you ever met someone you’ve known, via the wonder of the Interwebs, for a while, and you’re a total fangirl of their work and you worry, when you do finally get to meet them, that you will either babble like a brook or be totally tongue-tied?

Welp. I met August McLaughlin, for an interview for Girl Boner Radio.

I was not tongue-tied.

I hope you’ll listen to our conversation, which went in a few unexpected directions, as chat between friends does. Links below.

Some of the things I talked about are mentioned in my memoir, Sex, Drugs, Rock ‘n Roll, and a Tiara, and some just popped up.

Like, the way I got a talkin’ to, after I shared my dad’s Playboy magazines, which I had permission to look at, with my curious neighborhood babysitter, who did not. Or my first kiss, at age 5-6, which was actually among me, and two neighborhood boys. We were playing wedding, and they were taking turns saying, “You may now kiss the bride,” and… kissing the bride. Me!

I still love threesomes.

Talked a bit about my cancer journey, and how wearing my tiara to all the screenings and treatment really did make things better for me. That tiara created a positive feedback loop – people smiled at me, I smiled back, it felt good, hopeful. Other people have a very different cancer journey, and, I know, all too well, that not everyone survives. #fuckingcancer. But even Cancer Lite can be a challenge.

We talked a lot about how I enlisted the service of photographer extraordinaire Nick Holmes (follow him on Instagram, already!) to take before-and-after photos, the first set before any surgery took place, and the after, well, after. Because I didn’t know what I was in for, when I first booked him. Was I going to be losing a breast – or both breasts? Was I going to get away with just a lumpectomy – and how would that change the shape of my breast?

It was a bucket list thing for me, honestly. I’d always wanted to get sexy pictures of myself… Someday. You know, when I lost the weight or got more toned or… there was always a reason it Was Not A Good Time.

Getting the cancer diagnosis forced me. It was now or never.

Still, I’d always hated photos of myself. Hated them. Stood at the back of the crowd, offered to take the pictures, rather than being in them. Almost never felt pretty. I put on my big girl panties, gritted my freshly bleached teeth, and told myself that surely I would get two or three photos I liked out of the session.

I mentally patted myself on the back for being brave enough to do the thing. Nick was super professional and instead of feeling humiliated, I had fun with the shoot. I was still sure I would hate most of the pictures, but now more hopeful I’d get, oh, maybe a dozen or so good ones. Because posing for him, I had felt pretty.

And then Nick sent the first batch over.

The shoot, and more, the photos, were empowering and transformative. They changed how I look at myself. I take selfies now, and have fun with it.

Oh, I can look at myself and still see the flaws, if I try. But mostly, I see a woman full of joy, of life, of being brave, a woman who has KICKED CANCER’S ASS.

I also talked with August about my polyamory journey, and my involvement with SPLA (Sex Positive Los Angeles), a great organization that has taught me so much about boundaries and the freedom to say No – and Yes.

There was a caller who had a question about polyamory, and Dr. Megan had some excellent advice for her, and I did as well, I think. Not that the caller, or you, dear reader, need to be polyamorous, but maybe people shouldn’t knee-jerk rule it out…? Monogamy (and usually, a pretty crappy form of monogamy) is almost the only relationship structure we see modeled around us, and it’s not the best fit for everyone. Our culture isn’t very healthy. There’s a lot of toxic things we’re taught about relationships, about our bodies, and life in general, and too often, we adopt familial or cultural norms as our own beliefs without ever stopping to question them.

Which is where August’s latest work, Girl Boner Journal, is a wonderful resource. (Disclaimer: I’m quoted in the section about oral sex.) It’s a resource where, especially if you don’t know where to start, you can read a little bit, do some journaling and thinking, and really sort out: Which are MY beliefs? Which are the things society has told me are true, that perhaps I don’t accept as true anymore? (For instance, that masturbation is bad or dirty.)

It’s a great guide, whether you are just starting to figure out your sexuality, or whether you’re old more mature, and it’s time to re-evaluate how your beliefs may have changed over time.

I hope you enjoyed listening to our conversation, or will put it in your listening queue, and SUBSCRIBE to Girl Boner Radio through your podcast app of choice, because August always has great material. One of my boyfriends commented, after listening to our chat, “You are so hot!”

He might be a trifle biased, though.

What do you think? About our conversation, if you listened to it, about August McLaughlin and Girl Boner, the books and/or the podcast? What, if any, beliefs did you learn from culture or your family of origin, that no longer ring true to you?